Use Your Words: Dirty Talk 101
"Talk dirty to me." It's hot to hear a lover say that--but maybe also anxiety-provoking. What do I say?
We usually think of erotic talk as comprising a string of racy four-letter words, and if we've grown up in a conservative environment that might seem overwhelming. If you've ever experienced that--or you fear talking in bed in general--we have some tips!
Work up to it!
The very easiest way to ease into talking out loud during sex is just narrating what is happening. You don't have to make anything up, just describe how much you are enjoying what's going on or what you want to do next. You can even incorporate this into a handy three-step process:
- Say what you want to do. This is also a great way to check in for ongoing consent.
- Say what's happening. This is a great time to use your language to accentuate your actions. Eye contact during this will supercharge the energy with that extra confidence.
- Say what you just did. This may seem redundant, but realistically it's another great time to check in to see how your partner enjoyed themselves. Use different descriptors, incorporate some praise or affirmations, or tell/ask them what's next.
This can look like:
- Say what you want to do: "I want to tie you up and have my way with you. Do you want me to take control?"
- Say what's happening: "I love how soft your wrists feel in my hands while I wrap the rope around them."
- Say what you did: "Now I've got you tied up real nice. You were so good and looked so pretty holding still for me."
Another related dirty-talk hack: Narrate! Just tell a story or even a scenario. Borrow these from your own history ("Remember that time we...?")--or from an erotic story you read or porn you watched. Get interactive and pepper your story with questions for your partner to answer ("If you were there watching that, what would you do?") and soon you'll be talking back and forth.
Be specific! Accentuate your dirty talk with lots of adjectives and adverbs--even if you're right in front of who you're talking dirty to, let your words paint a vivid picture. You can change the entire energy of an action, sensation, or space purely by how you describe it.
Use words associated with the senses to highlight the scene:
- How do they look? Gorgeous, enticing, radiant, inviting, powerful, hot, sexy, handsome, glowing, irresistible...
- How do they smell or taste? Delectable, sweet, salty, succulent, mouthwatering, tasty, exquisite...
- How are you touching each other? Soft, hard, slow, teasing, rough, vicious, wild, unrestrained, gentle, messy...
Get nasty with your language if you want! Though it doesn't always have to be, it's called dirty talk for a reason. If you want to get comfortable with the four-letter words, say them out loud when you're alone: when you're in the shower, during solo sex, even driving the car. Just practice them the way you'd practice another language. Before long you'll be uttering fuck!--which is a complete sentence, BTW! Though you can always add to it: "Fuck my ___", "I want to fuck your ___"--now you're communicating!
There are several reasons one may enjoy talking dirty. One, of course, is that it's fun and intimate. It can heat up any of your favorite sex acts and is the heart of sexting and phone sex. But the other reason is that our lovers can't read our minds. They can't always know exactly what you want without your input, and if you've practiced talking for erotic purposes, you can also do it to give directions in a sexy way! Ask for what you want, even set boundaries. You've probably heard it so many times: "Communication is key"--and it is, but it is also sooo hot.
So open that pretty / juicy / sexy / slutty mouth and use your words!