Rubbing You the Right Way
When’s the last time you had a nice massage? Too long! Amirite?
A delicious, soothing massage shared by partners can let you transition out of that distracted workday space and into feeling connected to each other’s bodies. Massage can stand on its own as a hot activity or be a sensual part of getting turned on before other types of play. Either way, the key to a connecting massage with someone is being intentional.
Let’s set the scene-
• Turn off the distractions – phones off, TV off, music optional (if it’s on, make it sexy or relaxing). Take time to explore and connect with each other.
• Decide what you’re going to use and have it close by: massage oil, a fluffy towel, massage stones, any toys you might want to include, a pillow or two. This way, you are ready to focus.
• Is your room warm enough? The person getting the massage won’t move around a lot, so if you need to warm them up, have a sheet or light blanket handy.
• Try a massage candle. They are made with soy wax, which melts at a lower temperature than a regular candle when lit, leaving a warm silky oil that you can pour directly over the body to rub in. Ambiance and pleasure all in one!
• Relax – Chances are, you’re not a professional massage therapist and your partner knows that. Just have some fun helping the other feel good.
• Stretch yourself first - you don’t want to just transfer all the tension from their body to yours. If you don’t have your own massage table and you’re using your bed, stay aware of your body position and change it up enough to avoid getting too tense.
Things to use:
• Lube it up! As with most touch-related things, adding the slickness of a massage oil will help minimize friction, which can get uncomfortable after a while. You can get deeper into the muscles for relaxation, plus any genital touch will feel nicer, just keep in mind that oils will degrade latex so you don’t want to get it anywhere near your condoms.
• Take the experience to the next level: Try adding light bondage gear, if you are both interested in a touch of kink: under the bed restraints, a blindfold, maybe some nipple clamps.
• Vibration! You know it can feel amazing on the pleasure parts, but they don’t call them massagers for nothing… a vibe of any size, big or small, can add stimulation, increase blood flow, relax muscles, all great elements of a sensual massage. Try a vibe and ask your partner for feedback about how it feels!
• Hands! Hands can provide so many different sensations!
Try using some of these different parts of the hand to explore the various feels:
Finger tips--light touch, tickling.
Knuckles--deeper touch, create patterns.
Thumbs--push into tense spots, but check with your partner: some folks love pinpoint pressure, but don’t be too forceful unless they ask.
Heels of palms--a nice, spread-out, deep pressure. You can put a bit more weight behind this to really get into the muscle or tissue.
The entire palm is great for long, sweeping strokes.
A common complaint about giving massages is how hard it is on the giver’s body. When you can, use the weight of your own body to create the massage, instead of using individual muscles. Position yourself over your partner and lean into your hands, fists, palms, etc. This will allow the massage to last longer and be comfortable for the giver.
Be sure to check in and communicate how each sensation feels for each other. Remember, there is no one perfect massage for everyone. Ask questions like “How does this feel?” and “Would you like more or less pressure?”
Lastly, give their biggest sensory organ—their skin!—all the attention, everywhere. Don’t just assume they want a genital focus included—ask about that too. It can be very sexy, but focusing on all the parts of the body that may not always get touched during sex might really please them. For too many people, erotic and sensual touch doesn’t regularly include all the places they might crave touch or be erotically sensitive to, so spread the love.
Remember- take your time and explore, and most of all have fun! For more tips, be sure to check out The Book of Massage.