Make It Hurt So Good!
Welcome back for part 2 of our Beginner BDSM. This time, we’re making an impact!
Impact play is the art of hitting the body to create pleasurable sensations. Maybe you enjoy when your partner slaps your ass during sex or takes a spatula to ya when you get caught licking the bowl while they're cooking 😏. If so, you might enjoy exploring impact play.
Typically, we can break down the types of sensations one might like into two categories: Thuddy and Stingy.
This by no means is to say that you can ONLY enjoy one or the other, but does help many folks in negotiating for (and getting!) the specific type of sensation they'd like when playing.
Stingy sensation: Does the crack of a whip (or a wet towel) excite you? The sharp sting of a cane across the ass is indeed a unique and intense sensation that many enjoy because it focuses on pinpointed, topical stimulation vs something usually deeper and more diffused.
Thuddy sensation: Maybe you prefer the sensation of a deep pounding across your back and thighs by a leather jack, a heavy flogger, or even a bunch of socks shoved in another one. If so, you might prefer thuddy feels.
Now that you know a bit about what to expect, we're ready to talk about safety. When it comes to striking the body, there are some very important things to consider: location location location!
When impacting someone physically, you want to focus on hitting areas of the body that are fleshy/muscle vs areas that are over internal organs, joints, bones, or arteries. That means the plushy buttocks and thighs are perfect places for producing pleasure. The shoulder blades are another great zone for floggers, crops and other impact toys that can avoid the spine. This is simply a template, however, as all bodies are different. Someone may still not like being firmly impacted even on green zones.
If you prefer being hands on, you can experiment with spanking over someone's ass, thighs, and breasts, having been given the proper go-ahead from them first of course (though take it very easy on enhanced breasts). Try it with open fingers, closed flat palms, or even cupped palms for more sound. Notice the difference in feeling when you quickly strike and pull away vs hitting the body and firmly pressing into it after.
If you want to add some products to your quiver, you're gonna want to make sure you learn how to properly use them. One great way to practice is to do so alone. Use a pillow at home and make a few target spots on it that you want to practice aiming for, and take your crop or flogger and see if you can consistently hit those markers. Start noticing how close or far away you have to be from the pillow to wield your tool and hit it correctly. Floggers are best used in a figure-8 motion to control the tails so they all fall together, not splaying out every which way. Crops, paddles, spankers, and slappers will all feel different based on size, shape, and material. Some might have a softer side for alternating sensations. Depending on the shape of the product, it might also leave an imprint of itself or a message on the skin, which can be super fun! 😺
Make sure to check in with your partner throughout, to find out which sensations they enjoy the most and how well their pain tolerance is holding up. An easy way to do this is by asking on a scale of 1-10 how intense it feels or how much pain they are looking to take in this scene. And remember you always have your safeword if you want the scene to end or take a pause at any time for any reason.
Be sure to check out the great selection of how-to books on BDSM & kink to learn more about these types of play and beyond. Happy exploring!