BLACK LIVES MATTER

How to Give a Blow Job (Fellatio)


Oral sex is one of the most popular ways to have fun, but lots of folks are nervous that they won’t know what to do. Of course, not everyone likes to give oral sex, so if you don’t like giving head, tell your partner and discuss other options, like hand jobs. After all, enthusiasm and enjoyment usually count for more than perfect technique. But, if you are interested in learning the ways of ultimate cock pleasuring, then read on.

Getting Dressed Up

We can’t say enough about being prepared. To get the show on the road, try starting off with a shower, either together or separately. It’s a fresh beginning to a great show and can add a new dimension to your pleasure. If you like different scents, a special soap or moisturizer can be fun and heightens the senses, but watch out for allergies.

Speaking of senses, it’s wise to use a condom unless you know your partner has no sexually transmitted infections. You may also prefer using a condom if you just don’t like to swallow. If you don’t care for the taste of condoms with lubricant, you can dress up the cock for the show with an unlubricated condom. Lifestyles Non-lubricated Condoms work great and can be made more lickable with flavored lubricants for an added taste treat.

When using a condom for a blow job, a little lube on the inside will add some delicious sensations. Just squeeze the lube into the tip of the condom and unroll it onto the penis, either with your fingers while stroking, or with your mouth (this takes practice, but that’s a part of the dress rehearsal). Any condom-safe lube will work, but Please Warming Gel will provide a warm sensation unlike any other.

To go bare-naked, make sure you’re safe by discussing your sexual health, getting tested, and sharing your test results with each other. There are ways to transmit sexually transmitted infections and diseases, as well as HIV, when going down. Your risk is increased by unknown cuts from brushing your teeth and flossing while you’re making yourself kissable.

Pre-Performance Jitters and Smoothers

You might experience stage fright when it comes to sex with a new partner, or if you are trying something new with your long-time squeeze. Sweaty palms and nervous fumbling, and possibly even butterflies in your stomach might make it feel a bit awkward, but take a deep breath and relax. Really, the only bad performance in giving a blow job involves not enjoying it, improper teeth or nail action, getting the job done too quickly (unless that’s the goal at the moment; nothing wrong with a quickie) and not paying attention to your partner’s responses. All of these things are easily handled with communication.

Anyone who has taken a drama class can recall the multiple ways of communicating with the other actors: verbal, eye contact, and body language. The same skills can be brought into the bedroom and to all of your sexual adventures. Through active listening, watching, and checking in with your partner, it’s easier to have really fun and great sex, especially when the spotlight is on you and your partner's most erogenous zone.

The Stage

The areas around a cock are sensitive and erogenous so they shouldn’t be skipped over for the main attraction. It’s important for your partner and you to be in a comfortable position. For many people, the easiest position that allows the most access to all of their erotic zones is to have your partner lie on a comfortable surface. You can also kneel on the floor while they sit on the couch or stands up.

Start off the show with teasing as a way to warm up your audience. When you start to enter the stage from the wings, take a moment to explore the pelvis and inner thighs. Gently move the hair with your fingers or nose while massaging and kissing. When you relax and excite the muscles of the hips and pelvis, you increase how much arousal your partner will feel.

Once you sense your partner is warming up, work your way towards the penis, but before you get there, explore the testicles, scrotum and perineum—the skin between the scrotal sack and the anus. They all become highly sensitive and pleasurable when touched during arousal. Many people worry that they’ll injure or damage their partner’s testicles during sex; while most folks don’t like to have something hit or impact on their testicles, lots of people like how it feels when they’re firmly squeezed or when the scrotum is stretched. And of course, licking or sucking on the testicles drives lots of people wild, so play around a bit before heading for the penis.

Some people like to have a finger or tongue circling their ass or inserted into their anus and others don’t. Find out if your partner likes this or not. If they do, and you are willing, this can be very erotic and arousing experience because the prostate gland rests within, a few inches on the other side of the rectum, and provides a great deal of pleasure when gentle pressure is applied. Don't forget to add some lube! If you’re concerned about cleanliness, try using a glove. For oral play, dental dams can make rimming worry-free.

There are several sweet and sensitive spots on the penis that will probably set your partner off. The head of the cock is filled with a zillion nerve endings, especially around the corona, or crown. Just below the head of the penis on the underside is the frenulum (the seam), which is a super-sensitive zone, making it a prime seductive spot. If your partner isn’t circumcised, the foreskin has plenty of nerve endings which shouldn’t be neglected. And while most people find that the shaft of the penis is less sensitive than the head, see if your partner likes to have it licked, nibbled or stroked.

When aroused, your partner might release a little bit of pre-cum which may be produced by the Cowper’s gland or prostate, assisting you with lubrication as well. Speaking of cum or semen, there is a lot of talk about the taste of cum. Some people like the taste, while others don’t. There hasn’t been much confirmed research in this area, but slight changes in diets can alter the taste of the semen. If your partner wants, they can try a diet with more fruit and less meat; also, any meds may add bitterness to the semen. Smoking also seems to have a negative effect on flavor. If you don’t like the taste, flavored lube can help if you aren’t using a condom or use a condom during the final performance.

Some Supporting Characters

This act introduces the supporting characters—your hands. Hands and fingers are great helpers because they provide support and are free to improvise. Wrapping your hand around the base of the cock props and supports, and can be used as a stopper so you can control all the players as the main diva. It also allows additional stimulating pleasure if you gently squeeze and massage the base with your fingers. While one hand is supporting, the other hand can roam in any erogenous zones as well as massage the butt or fondle nipples.

Try making a circle of your hand and stroke while gliding your mouth up and down. Or slide your hands over the head of the penis while licking the scrotum. You can even twist your hands around the base of the penis while sucking on the head. There are lots of ways to combine all the actors, so try a few out and see what kind of applause you get. Another way to get feedback is to try something and have your partner rate it on a scale of 1 to 10. Or do two different things and ask which was more enjoyable. The more information you have, the better the show will be.

Putting it All Together

As your partner is getting more and more aroused, continue to tease with kissing, licking, and nibbling. (A note about nibbling: many people are very sensitive about teeth near their treasured pleasure zone. Ask whether your partner is comfortable with a little light nibbling with your teeth, and listen to and watch for the responses as you do this). Bring the cock into the warmth of your mouth by wrapping your lips around your teeth to provide a nice soft cushion. If your lip gloss or balm has worn thin, just lick your lips during one of your strokes up before bringing your partner deeper into you.

So, how far should you go down and what about gag reflex? How far you go down depends upon the size of your partner's cock and how much of it you can bring into your mouth. With practice, the gag reflex can often be reduced or controlled by remembering to swallow and breathe as you bring the cock farther into your mouth, wrapping your tongue around as you gently suck. This will loosen up your throat and jaw muscles, as well as ease any nervous thoughts going through your mind.

If you take a break from sucking and move to other parts of the body, their erection may get softer, which makes it much easier to avoid the gag reflex. In addition, each time you back off and return, you increase your partner's arousal. That’s definitely a win-win! But don’t worry if you can’t take the penis all the way in—there are so many other ways to make oral sex fun.

For any performance, timing is crucial. At this point, there are several options to bring the performance to a wonderful close—one is by increasing the rhythm and the depth of bringing your partner into your mouth, until they are aroused to orgasm. Find a technique that you can keep going, since any change in what you’re doing can cause arousal to falter. If you don’t want to swallow the cum, you can let your partner signal you before ejaculation and finish with your hands, by stroking up and down on the shaft of the cock until climax.

Other ways to bring your partner to ecstasy, if you don’t want to swallow, is drumming. Right before orgasm, the scrotum often warms and stiffens a bit, producing arousing tension. You can gently squeeze and pull the balls with your fingers away from the base of the cock and perineum, continuing to kiss and lick as you stroke the shaft of the penis with one hand while your partner ejaculates. This is called drumming because it forms the balls into what looks like drums.

The art of swallowing follows the same rule for controlling the gag reflex. With practice, swallowing and breathing make it much easier to guide the flow of cum directly down the passage of your throat. Whether you are using a condom or swallowing, don’t stop your rhythm when your partner cums. You can bring your partner to an incredible standing ovation with multiple orgasms. Well, maybe their knees will be too weak to stand, but they’ll be applauding you for sure.

When the ovation is over and the curtains are finally closed, you can quickly clean up with handy wipes and curl up in your partner's arms to bask in the afterglow of a job well done.

For great advice about the art of going down, check out THE Sex & Pleasure Book for plenty of fun ideas for playing with penises.