Bondage and restraint is one of the most common sexual fantasies and we get a lot of questions about it. Here are a few key tips that will make it fun and exciting for you and your partner.
Before you get started with bondage, it’s a good idea to talk with your partner about what it is that you find exciting. It might be the fantasy of giving up control. Maybe it’s not being able to move. Or it could be about being able to struggle and strain against the rope. Different desires may mean different approaches to bondage. For example, if it’s the fantasy of having your partner be in charge, you might choose a lighter set of restraints. But if you want to pull and struggle, you’ll need something more heavy-duty.
If you’re not sure what it is about bondage that turns you on, pick up one of our kinky erotica books. One fun way to use them (besides a little one-handed reading) is to highlight the sections that you find especially arousing. You can share the book with a partner or have them highlight their favorite scenes, too.
Before you get out the restraints, there are some important safety tips that will make sure that your bedroom fun stays fun.
Choose a safeword. A safeword is a code word that means “stop” or “I need a break.” There are two important reasons to use a safeword. First, some people like to play with the fantasy of struggling. If saying “no! no! please stop!” turns you on, then it’s important to have a clear way to tell your partner when you really mean stop. Second, the word “no” can be challenging for some people to say or to hear, especially in a passionate moment. A safeword is often much easier. Some examples of safewords include: red (for “stop”), yellow (for “slow down”), and time out. If you’re using a gag to muffle your partner’s moans, give them something to hold in their hand to drop on the floor if they need to call a time out. A set of keys works quite well.
The more restricting the bondage, the shorter the time that someone can stay in it. Give your partner some wiggle room and you’ll be able to keep going longer. Tying someone standing up gives you a lot less time than if they’re lying down. Standing bondage, and especially hands-over-head bondage, can result in dizziness and even fainting if it goes on too long. To prevent a fall, support your partner’s weight when you remove them from hands-up bondage. If bondage is too tight, you can cut off blood flow, especially if your partner likes to struggle. That can cause harm to the hands and feet. Make sure that you can slip two fingers between the restraints and the wrists or ankles.
It’s important that you are able to take the bondage off in a hurry. Surprises and emergencies do happen, so it’s best to be prepared. Use carabineers to attach your rope to the bed or other tie-down point, and you can unclip it in an instant. A pair of safety scissors can cut through rope without hurting the skin underneath. We strongly recommend them for all rope bondage.
Although bondage websites can be lots of fun to watch, they’re not the best source of how-to information. Professional bondage models are often more flexible than most of us and photos are often digitally altered. Plus, professionals have a crew available to get someone down in a hurry if they need to.
Ropes or Restraints?
The easiest way to get started with bondage is with a set of restraints or leashes and collars. They buckle around the wrist or ankles and can be adjusted to fit anyone. You can attach a piece of rope or chain to the loop on your restraint and secure the other end to your bed frame or other furniture. And when you’re done, you might even leave the rope in place to make the next time faster!
Restraints have a lot of advantages. It’s easy to use them safely and getting them on and off is fast. And no matter how much you pull on them, they won’t get tighter. That makes them a better choice than scarves or neckties that can tighten around the wrists from pulling.
Fabric restraints are lighter in weight, but may be less durable. Leather is heavier, but can stand up to more use. We have restraints made from different materials, so whatever you’re looking for, we’ve got it.
Rope bondage is a lot of fun, if you take the time to learn some basic skills. We have some great books that are full of instructions and photos so you can start tying your partner up. And we often host workshops on bondage techniques with some of the best teachers around. Check out the schedule to see what’s coming up.
What About Handcuffs?
We don’t carry handcuffs because they’re not as safe as restraints. Toy handcuffs can tighten down around the wrists and damage the nerves, tendons and blood vessels of the hands. They’re also quite narrow, which puts a lot of pressure on the wrists, even when they’re lined with fleece. Restraints are a much safer way to get the same effect.
Now That I Have Some Restraints, What Do I Do?
Your bondage is limited only by your imagination. Here are a few fun ideas to get you started.
Have your partner lie on the bed and tie their hands above their head. You can keep their arms together or have them held apart. You can also tie their legs open, with or without their hands tied down. Try it face up or face down. We’re sure you can think of something to do with them in any of those positions.
Get creative with your furniture! Bend your partner over a footstool or table and tie them to the legs. Or secure their wrists to their ankles. Tie your partner’s feet to the legs of the chair and their wrists to the arms of the chair. While their genitals may or may not be available, there’s lots of other fun things you can do.
Put restraints on your partner’s wrists and clip them together behind their back. They’ll have plenty of wiggle room, but they sure can’t get away!
Blindfolds add a thrill to your bondage, both because your partner can’t tell what you’re doing and because the lack of sight increases how much attention they’ll give to their other senses. Plus, if you’re new to bondage, you may feel more comfortable knowing that your partner can’t see you.
How about stroking your partner with a feather? Or a glove covered in fur? Ice cubes? If you don’t have long fingernails, trail a bamboo skewer down their skin. Our massage lotions and massage candles are a great way to tease a partner who can’t move. Almost anything can be a great toy, especially when you combine it with bondage!