Harnessing Your Pleasure: Strap-On 101

It's time to strap into gear!

Whether strap-on play has been on your sexual “to-do” list for quite some time, or if you’re just beginning to curiously browse dildos and harnesses – getting started can be intimidating. Like many sex toys, using a strap-on may not be as intuitive as using our own body parts (at least at first). Learning to harness (both literally and figuratively) and control an additional appendage can feel a bit unwieldly and possibly even awkward. 

But here’s the thing- that learning curve can go by really quickly and you can be skilled and strap-happy pro in no time with the right equipment, time, practice, and - most importantly - communication.  

The Right Tool For the Job: 

Let’s start with the equipment. A strap-on refers to a set of two components: a harness and a harness-friendly dildo. There are many ready-to-go sets that have everything you need in one box, or you can go for a more curated version by individually picking a harness (we suggest having the wearer pick this) and the dildo (we suggest having the receiver pick this). 

You’ll also want to add a nice water-based lubricant since most of our dildos are made from silicone and shouldn't be used with silicone lubricants. Using a toy is different from using a body part in so many ways - one of which is that you’ll want that added slickness to make the experience as pleasurable as possible, especially if you’re strapping up for any anal penetration, like pegging. 

Strap on Solo: 

This may sound odd but hear us out – it can really help if the first time you wear your strap is not during sex. Becoming familiar with your new toy can help you to not only get used to things like the added weight and length to your body but making yourself comfortable wearing it means making yourself more confident wearing it, which is a huge game changer in trying anything new. 

Getting to know your strap through watching how others use theirs can be super helpful as well – so maybe check out some strap-on porn. Seeing someone use a strap-on with a partner can give some insight (and even some inspiration) when it comes to techniques, moves, positions and more.  

Move your body in ways you think you may want to during play – thrusting, grinding, rolling your hips – and see how the harness feels against your body, and if there’s anything that you need to adjust or move. For folks rocking a leather harness, this is a great opportunity to break it in so it’s more comfortable when it’s time for action. 

A bonus – practicing by grinding up against some pillows can actually feel pretty good, and you may even discover a new way to masturbate!  

Assume the position: 

One of the things we mentioned as being a key to the journey to becoming a deft dildo-wearer is time (and, with that, patience). The first time that you do some partnered penetration with your strap, you probably aren’t going to be getting into some Cirque-esque positions out of the gate. 

Doggy-style is a great start-off for strap-on play, since it allows the receiver to spread their legs and have their body elevated off the bed for the strap-wearer to have more space to get into the right position. From there, both the giver and receiver can control the pace together since the receiver can back up on the dildo rather than only relying on the pace of the giver’s movements.  

Another pro-tip: don’t be afraid to use your hands. Yes, one of the allures of the strap-on is that it’s something that you can do hands-free – but especially when you’re first getting started, don’t feel like you can’t use your hands. Navigate and adjust so that you can hit all the right spots! 

Communicate, communicate, communicate! 

Because there’s no nerve endings in the dildo that can communicate the direct sensations to us, making sure that you check in with your partner is key, especially if it’s your first time - either overall or with that person. 

If it feels awkward outright asking your partner if something is working – use dirty talk! Put on your best seductive voice and ask things like “does that feel good?”; “do you want more?”; “do you like that?” 

No matter if you’re the one giving or receiving, you should not only be checking in with your partner and how they feel, but openly communicating how you feel as well. Remember, you never have to "power through” anything for the sake of doing it – if you need to adjust, add lube, take a break, switch positions, or anything else: just ask for it.

That also means you should communicate when things are feeling great! Giving affirmations through moaning, dirty talk, and praise not only lets your partner know that they feel amazing with you – but that confidence allows us to let go of self-consciousness and really be in the moment. Yes, please! 

Get creative: 

Of course, strap-on play is incredible for vaginal and anal penetration, but that doesn’t have to be all you’re limited to with these versatile tools. Getting a blowjob or handjob on a dildo can be really hot – not only visually, but the sensation of feeling the base of the dildo rubbing against the body can feel great (even orgasmic!).  

Explore different types of strap-ons for different types of play: a thigh harness can give opportunity for new positions, a double harness can allow for double penetration and/or added space for folks with penises to rock a strap, adding in vibration with a vibrating dildo or even a vibrating cock ring can elevate the sensations for both wearer and receiver.  And don't forget about double-sided dildos for harness-free ways to strap-on!

So, get ready to harness the power of strap-on play, and remember to communicate and have fun!