How To Use A Strap-On and Top Picks: A Beginner's Guide

Strap-ons, straps, harnesses, dildos, pegging - today we are going to talk about the second most popular sex toy on the market. One of the great things about strap-ons is their versatility, which in turn makes them fun and affirming to wear and use. Pegging isn’t just for Pride, but what a great time of year to try it! In this guide, we’ll explore everything from what this device is to the different types and how to use a strap-on. Let’s start at the beginning…

What is a strap on and why do folks use them?

There are two parts that make up a strap - the harness and the sex toy. Harnesses hold a dildo onto your body, which can then be used for penetration.

There are a variety of different combinations of harnesses and sex toys that can be used during intimacy, depending on what you’re looking for or what makes you feel euphoric.

Who are strap-ons good for?

Some folks enjoy strap-on sex because it allows them to experience penetrating a partner in a new way, for others, it's gender-affirming. Lesbians and vulva owners who are intimate with other vulva owners will often use strap-on toys during sex for penetration play that goes beyond using fingers, but strap-ons aren’t just for Sapphic-identifying folks.

For trans masculine folks, using a strap during sex can be a great source of gender euphoria as well as pleasure. It’s also important to note here that some trans and GNC folks won’t use the term ‘strap’ due to its historical association with lesbians, so they may just say ‘penis’ or a variation of this. There are also harnesses / “straps” that trans and GNC folks can wear to hold a packer (aka a prosthetic flaccid penis) in place for daily wear.

‘Pegging’ is when someone is penetrated in the anus with a dildo by another individual which stimulates the prostate aka the P-spot. Though anyone can be ‘pegged’, it most often refers to a man / masc-identifying person being penetrated by a woman / femme-identifying person - language is important here as folks will feel comfortable using different language for the same acts, so figuring out what term works for you and the folks you’re being intimate with is vital.

You also don’t need someone else to use a strap during sex, you can enjoy it solo! You can attach the strap to a pillow or use a suction cup dildo on a hard surface for masturbation. Some straps are designed for solo use, while others are ideal for partnered play, such as this thigh strap.

Types of Strap-Ons and Accessories

Strap-on harness

There isn’t one type of harness that can be used during sex. The harness most folks probably have in mind when they think about strapping is the classic beginner harness. This type of harness wraps around the waist and both thighs with an o-ring on the pubis area, and the o-ring can fit multiple dildo sizes. 

A more gender-affirming harness for trans men and masc folks is the boxer brief harness, which functions similarly to the classic harness but offers a more gender-affirming, natural look and feel. This harness can accommodate packers, bumpers, and dildos with balls, as well.

A more unique type of harness is a face strap, which allows folks to ride someone's face and be penetrated at the same time.

Sex toys used for strapping

Dildos are the most commonly used sex toys when strapping. Typically, any dildo with a flared base can be used in a strap. If you want a more realistic look and feel, you can find dildos with veins and balls, or if you want something a little more beginner-friendly and smooth, you can use a simple beginner dildo, which has a slight curve.

Other dildos may have twists and bumps for enhanced pleasure… and for a beginner, they can look a little intimidating, so I’d recommend slowly working your way up to these sorts of dildos!

How to choose your first strap-on

When it comes to choosing your first strap-on, there are a few things to consider. First off: how do you want to use it? If you’re looking for a strap that can be worn by multiple people of varying sizes, getting a harness that can be easily expanded and loosened is a good idea. 

Secondly, you’ll want to think about what sex toys you want to use alongside the strap - if you want to wear the strap but also receive pleasure, you could try a bumper which stimulates the wearer. You’ll also want to consider the sizing of the sex toys. Are you a beginner at penetration? You’ll want a harness that can accommodate a smaller toy, or perhaps a harness with multiple rings that can accommodate multiple sizes as you explore.

You also want to consider what will make you feel the most euphoric. For many trans+ folks, using boxer brief harnesses can feel the most affirming, but others may find a classic beginner harness more suitable.

How to use a strap for the first time

For the person wearing the strap and harness - aka the ‘strapper’ or the ‘top’ - it can feel a little silly or daunting at first if you’ve never worn one before. Learning how to navigate your strap is crucial to ensure that the receiver experiences no pain or discomfort. The first tip I would suggest is getting to know your strap, just as you would get to know your own genitals. 

Trying your strap-on for the first time solo is a good idea, so you can figure out how to secure it to your body in a way that feels affirming and comfortable. Just try getting used to it being part of you; experiment with watching TV with it on or walking around the house. Have fun with it!

You can also try masturbating with the strap, stroking it, to understand how to move your hands and body with the sex toy, as well as find what sensations feel good to you while you’re wearing it!

Tips for your first strap-on sex journey

If the strapper wants to use their toy on someone that they will be penetrating, there are a few things to consider:

• Use plenty of lube - the more lube, the better!
• Create good communication with the person you are engaging in strap-on play with (i.e, the person being penetrated), so they can guide you throughout. As you cannot feel the strap, listening to the person receiving is key.
• Asking questions like ‘is this okay?’ or ‘am I going too fast?’ etc, can be a great way to give the person being strapped the power in this situation and fulfil their pleasure.
• Start with other sexual acts rather than jumping straight to penetration, this could be oral or using your hands and fingers on the other individual.
• When it comes to thrusting, take it slow. This may be a completely new experience for you, and you want to slowly build up your confidence and your speed.
• The receiver or the ‘bottom’ - if you are receiving sex via a strap, your communication to the person wearing the strap is vital, not only for your pleasure but also for your safety. Feel confident in saying ‘can we change positions?’ or ‘can we add more lube?’ etc. 

What are the best strap-on sex positions for beginners

Having control during your first strap-on experience is vital, as it allows you to determine how fast and how deep you’d like to go. If it is your first time being penetrated, taking things slow and at your own pace is also important - consider trying doggy-style and slowly lowering yourself onto the strap to control the speed and depth of the penetration, or spooning to allow for shallow and slow penetration.

Strap-on aftercare

Strap-on sex can be very emotional for some folks, both the receiver and the giver. Spend time after intimacy to check in with one another, asking what went well and sharing your desires for the future. After intercourse has finished, getting yourself cleaned up is the next step! Jump in the shower or have a bath, have some ‘you’ time. Once you’ve cleaned yourself, it's now time to clean your strap.

How to clean your straps

The method for cleaning your strap-on harnesses and toys depends on the material and model you choose. Some harnesses are made of fabric that can be washed in the washing machine, but if the harness is made from leather or latex, it will require special care and cleaning products. It’s always a good idea to read the packaging or contact the manufacturer if you have any questions.

Most dildos and packers can be cleaned with soap and water. You can also boil glass, steel, and silicone dildos, but be sure to check the packaging for specific instructions beforehand. When it comes to vibrators that are battery-powered, it's best to clean them with caution or to use wipes instead to limit water exposure. 

Most common myths about strap-on sex

There are a lot of myths and misconceptions about using strap-ons for pleasure. Let’s break them down:

Myth: “Men and penis owners who enjoy pegging are gay”

Nope! Men and penis owners who enjoy pegging aren’t necessarily gay - of course, some may be LGBTQIA+, but realistically enjoying pegging can just be about enjoying prostate stimulation or exploring new roles and sensations in the bedroom. Sexual preferences and sexuality are not mutually exclusive, and pegging can feel fantastic - even orgasmic! - for any orientation.

Myth: “Only lesbians use straps”

All folks of varying sexualities and gender identities use strap-ons during sex. It’s all about pleasure - some lesbians may want to engage in penetration, others may want to be the penetrator, some love switching between these roles. And some lesbians and Sapphic folks don’t use straps at all, they aren’t integral to vulva on vulva intimacy.

Myth: “What’s the point if you can’t feel it?”

As Sex Educator Lisa Finn points out, just because there aren’t nerve endings on the dildo itself, that doesn’t mean you can’t feel sensation. The act of strapping offers stimulation from grinding, thrusting, and having the toy rub against the body (namely the pubic area and even clitoris depending on how it’s positioned) can feel fantastic. Finn also points out that for many, it’s the act of giving their partner pleasure that’s the highlight of the whole strapping experience. Some tops can reach orgasm just from strapping - so don’t knock it till you try it!

To strap or not to strap… 

Ultimately, this decision is completely up to you! Regardless of your gender identity or sexual orientation, learning how to use a strap-on properly during sex can be an extremely freeing and fun experience... and that's what sex should be! Only you know if and when you’re ready to bring a strap-on into the bedroom… and if you are, these tips will come in handy.

Follow Dee Whitnell on social media: @s3xtheorywithdee