Good Vibes PLEASURE POLL: Couples’ Toys!
The results are in! We asked about couples playing with toys together and related issues, and the results were enlightening. Lots of you are playing! And it seems many more have items on their wish list.
673 people took the poll. We asked about their relationship status; about 44.5% are married, almost 4% engaged, and about a third are in an unmarried-but- monogamous relationship. Three respondents are widowed. Another 11% are in an open relationship, while over 7% are dating casually and almost 12% are single. And it’s 2022, so almost 7.5% identified their relationship as “something else” or “It’s complicated.” It sure is!
So how long have these partnered folks been together? Over 10% are newly partnered, at six months or fewer. 12.35% have been coupled for six months to two years, and almost 18% said more than two but fewer than seven years. Over 9% have been together for seven to ten years, nearly 10% have been with their partner from 10 to 20 years, and almost a quarter of respondents have been with their primary partner for over 20 years! Almost 3% are poly, most of whom specified different timeframes for their various relationships.
But let’s get to the heart of it—using toys together! Almost 63% have used toys with a partner, and nearly another 22% said they had, but not often. Almost 4% had used toys with a previous partner but not their current one. Over 10% want to, but haven’t yet; and 1.23% answered “No, not for me” to this question.
Okay, but what kind of toys? Well, vibes, of course—over 95% of the people who answered this question (N=538) have used those, and almost 28% have used app-controlled or remote toys. Almost half have played with anal toys, 42% have tried strokers and/or cock rings, 55% have checked out dildos and/or strap-ons, and over 44% have played with BDSM gear like restraints and impact toys. Another 5% specified other kinds of gear they’ve played with, including a sex machine, positioning pillows, and a swing.
But not having tried something does keep people from wanting to check it out! We asked if there were toys they were interested in using and yes there were. 296 people answered, and 51 were interested in butt stuff; 48 wanted to try BDSM, and another 25 wanted to check out bondage, specifically. Lots of interest in varying types of toys, with 35 people simply saying they wanted to check out toy play, and others specifying types (e-stim, cock rings, impact toys, the ramp, gender-affirming toys, and more). And there were plenty of people desiring different types of play: threesomes and group sex, mutual masturbation, sensory play and deprivation, furry play, “more queer stuff,” and Tantra, to name a few. Yes! furry Tantra! (, sorry, that was me inventing a play party to invite them to.)
We asked how often our respondents talk to their partners about sex. Over 56% do so frequently, over 34% talk sometimes, and almost 4.5% do when something new is on the menu. Another 4.46% talk when an issue comes up, while 2.15% never do.
Speaking of issues… what has affected peoples’ sex lives? 320 people answered; the top thing that had affected their sex lives was having kids. (One respondent said “having kids, having puppies,” and another person brought up puppies too!) Next up was perimenopause and menopause, which 46 people mentioned. Health concerns of various kinds came third, with 35 mentions plus another 16 who had seen effects from birth control and other meds. 28 people cited the pandemic; 22 mentioned mental health, with an additional five specifying substance use or recovery. 18 cited “other stress,” with two saying “all of the above!” Other frequently-cited issues were trauma, age, work (“back to work = less time together”), relationship issues and partner changes, including additions to one’s poly family; identity issues, like coming out as pan, queer or trans; and partner issues like lack of interest, poor communication, or lack of trust. But! Several people said their libido was actually higher now.
We asked our usual demographic questions as well. Almost 11% of our respondents were between 18 and 24. 27.69% said they were 25-34; almost 23.5% are 35-44; and about 18% are 45-54. Over 13.5% are 55-64, almost 6% are between 65-74, and 1.06% are over 75!
We asked about sexual orientation and 366 answered; 157 said heterosexual or straight, with another 11 expressing some flexibility (heteroflexible, straight-). 53 said they were bi, with another 3 bi-curious. 28 folks identify as queer; 18 are lesbian, les/bi or dyke-identified; 4 are gay; and 19 are pansexual. 5 put themselves on the asexual spectrum, and a couple of people said they didn’t know.
Finally, we asked about gender. Almost 48% are cis female, assigned female at birth and still identifying that way. About 42% are cis male, assigned male at birth and identifying as male. (Several others specified male or female without choosing the “cis” option.) 0.36% are trans women, 2.33% trans men, and over 12% specified non-binary, gender-nonconforming, genderqueer or genderfluid. 1.07% identify as agender and about the same number felt those choices did not adequately describe their gender.
Whew! How do you compare with this cohort? Do you share your toys? Do you enjoy toy play, or fantasize about doing so? (We’ve got your wish list right here, as you probably know!) Have the stresses of life left you some time to enjoy your erotic self and your partnership? Our fingers are crossed for you, friends! Tune in soon for the results of our next poll, and thanks for sharing your experiences with us.