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Sexual Health & Wellness
How to Spank
Spanking, whether it’s done with a toy or by hand, is something that a lot of people enjoy for many different reasons. Spanking can feel great. The thrill of doing something naughty can be fun. It might be part of a role play or S&M scene. Whatever your interest in spanking, a few important tips will make it more enjoyable.
Before you get started with spanking, it’s a good idea to talk with your partner about what excites you about it. If you want to try something naughty, then engaging in role play may give you extra context for that naughtiness. If you’re curious about the sensation, then a role might be irrelevant, plus you might want to be in a position that allows the maximum comfort. You’re much more likely to get what you want when you can talk with your partner about it.
There are plenty of books and DVDs with great information on spanking and we have the best of them on our shelves. A little knowledge goes a long way, so if you’re new to spanking or just curious, we recommend checking them out.
Before you get started, there are some important safety tips that will make sure that your bedroom fun stays fun.
Choose a safeword. A safeword is a code word that means “stop” or “I need a break.” There are two important reasons to use a safeword. First, some people like to play with the fantasy of struggling. If saying “no! no! please stop!” turns you on, then it’s important to have a clear way to tell your partner when you really mean it. Second, the word “no” can be challenging for some people to say or to hear, especially in a passionate moment. A safeword is often much easier. Some examples of safewords include: red (for “stop”), yellow (for “slow down”), and time out. If you’re using a gag to muffle your partner’s moans, give them something to hold in their hand to drop on the floor if they need to call a time out. A set of keys works quite well.
If you’re new to spanking, it’s a good idea to focus your attention on the bottom. There’s a lot you can do on the butt cheeks and the body is usually pretty well-padded there, so you don’t need to worry about causing damage. Plus, when you spank someone’s butt, you can indirectly stimulate their genitals, especially if they’re in a position that allows them to rub against your leg or a piece of furniture.
Be careful to avoid hitting the tailbone and never hit on the kidneys. If you’re a spanking aficionado, you might be interested in some of the more advanced techniques that include other body parts. Check out our great how-to books for plenty of helpful information.
Many people find that the sensation of spanking varies along a continuum of sting-thud. Stingy sensations tend to be on the surface of the skin, while thudding sensations feel deeper. Different toys and hand positions create different sensations, so you may need to experiment a bit. Also, some people have strong preferences for one style and feel over the other, while some like both kind of sensation.
You may find that as you get turned on, things start to feel different. Sexual arousal increases our ability to feel strong sensations, so it’s a good idea to start off lightly and ramp up. Combining or alternating spanking with other types of stimulation can be a fun way to increase the pleasure. Or you might want to get turned on before you start spanking. Lots of people like to switch from spanking to gentle caresses or the feeling of a fur or fleece glove. Play around with it and you’ll discover what feels good to you.
The more comfortable you both are, the more fun your spanking will be. Prop yourself up with pillows and you’ll be able to relax into the sensation. Ordinary couch cushions work great, or you can use something specially designed for sex, such as the Liberator Shapes.
Toys or Hands?
Hands are very versatile tools when it comes to spanking. If you bring your fingers together or cup your hand, you’ll get more thud. If you spread your fingers or keep your palm flat, you’ll get more sting. Try a little of each and ask your partner which feels better. Try spanking in different spots and see how that changes how the sensation feels.
Our toys are a wonderful way to create sensations that hands just can’t do. Leather slappers and spankers are usually lighter in feel, although they can make a loud slapping noise that will definitely get your attention. Paddles can be made from almost any material and the more rigid they are, the stronger the sensation. Be sure to hit with the middle of the paddle -- if you hit with the edge, it can be quite unpleasant. Crops make a great whistling sound when you swing them and they can create very strong sensations. Start off lightly and ramp up with them.
Whatever you’re using, begin slowly and gently to give your partner a chance to get used to it. Stop every few minutes and stroke their skin -- fur gloves, fingernails, ice cubes or other toys change the sensation and enliven the skin. Mix it up a bit and use a vibrator on their genitals or anus. Put some nipple clamps on them. Spread some of our massage cream on their skin. For a really wild ride, slide an anal plug into your partner. There’s really no limit to how creative you can get with your spanking!
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