Info & Community
How to Use a Harness
Who Wears Harnesses?
One of the stereotypes about strap-on harnesses is that they’re for lesbians. And it’s true that many lesbians have been fans of harnesses for years, but they’re not the only people who use them – and not all lesbians are interested in them.
Lots of heterosexual couples are exploring prostate play and have discovered how much fun it can be when a woman wears a harness to use a dildo with her male partner. Some men use harnesses to provide simultaneous anal and vaginal penetration with a female partner, to use a dildo that’s a different size than their penis, or as an alternative if they don’t get hard when they want or last as long as they want. Harnesses are also popular with transgender men, both for sex and for packing. Packing is when someone wears a dildo during everyday activities to have that tell-tale bulge in the pants.
For some people, harnesses are a way to play with gender roles or power play. And for other people, they’re simply a hands-free way to use a dildo. We encourage you to explore your desires and fantasies and discover what turns you on, no matter what it is.
How Harnesses Work
Our harnesses work with any dildo that has a base for the harness ring to hold onto. This design allows you to mix and match, so you can find the combination that looks and feels best to you. Many harnesses have changeable rings, so you can use a larger or slimmer dildo. Harnesses will generally not work well with anal plugs – if you want to explore anal play while harnessed, choose a dildo.
When a harness fits well, the base of the dildo rests against the pubic bone, giving you the most control. The harness should be snug enough that everything stays in place, although you may find that the straps need to be adjusted if you shift positions since that will change how they fit on your body. Men who wear harnesses find that they work best when the dildo is above the penis.
Adding Some Extra Fun
If you’re interested in wearing a harness but want to have a little action for yourself, we have lots of options. Some harnesses have a pouch built into the pad, which is just the right size for a mini vibrator. There are also vibrators and other toys that you can wear on your clitoris or inside your vagina while wearing your harness. And of course, you can always try using an anal plug or vibrator for a sensation that’s out of this world!
Some Harness Tips
Using a harness can take a little practice. Getting the straps organized, putting the dildo in, sliding the harness on -- these all get smoother with experience. We suggest making your first foray into harness use a playful experiment. When you take some of the pressure off, you may find that things work better.
Unlike a penis, dildos don’t have nerve endings to tell you what’s going on, so you’ll need to check in with your partner and use your hands and eyes to make sure that everything is working well. You may find that slight changes in angle of penetration or position make a big difference. If you have difficulty finding a comfortable position, check out our sex pillows. They provide comfortable support and make it much easier to let go and have fun.
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