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I've always wanted to fuck a guy in the ass. Finally, I have a partner who is into anal play. I went to Good Vibes and bought myself a shiny Vegas Harness, a Hot Rod dildo and a Scorpio vibe. I wanted something slightly curved and firm enough so that I could hit his prostate or P-spot, the guy's version of the G-spot. I chose the Scorpio because he wants something that vibrates. I also got a bottle of Maximus Lube. Many men enjoy prostate stimulation, and these tips can help you and your man enjoy it as well.
What is the Prostate?
The prostate is the gland where prostatic fluid is formed, fluid that mixes into men's ejaculate and is expelled with semen and other fluids upon orgasm. It sits beneath the bladder, inside the forward rectal wall. As I said before, for many men, massaging the prostate can feel good. The anus consists of the external sphincter and an internal sphincter (a strong band of muscle just inside the external sphincter). The internal sphincter is an involuntary muscle, meaning we have no control over it.
The prostate is around one to two inches inside the anus, and forward towards the base of the penis. It's the male version of the G-spot, often called the P-spot. When aroused, it becomes firm and feels kind of like the end of your nose. In some men it has a bump, then a valley, then another bump. Prostates vary in size when firm and can feel like a walnut, or sometimes can grow as big as a small peach.
Is This Safe?
Many men wonder if playing with their anus is harmful. One of the most common questions is will this stretch me out? The answer is no. Anal play can actually make sphincter control better because more blood is flowing to the sphincter and the muscles are being used more. There are other health benefits as well. Hemorrhoids can get better because of more blood flow and prostate health problems may also decrease.
Doing the Deed
As always, the most important thing with anal sex is communication. The primary rule with anal play is that the person receiving the stimulation is always in control. Make sure the lines of communication are open and that he, the receiver, feels comfortable telling you, the penetrator, what feels good and what doesn't. He should let you know when he's ready for more and also when he's ready to stop.
Before you began, you'll want him to relax and feel comfortable. You can take a warm bath or shower together. Or you can give him a massage -- either an anal massage or an all body massage. He can also do something called "anal breathing" -- this consists of taking deep breaths and imagining blowing them out of his asshole. This will focus his energies on his anus and help him to relax.
When doing a prostate massage the first thing to remember is to go slow. The second is to use a lot of lube. You should use a thick water-based lube like Maximus. Using gloves or finger cots will allow you to be safe and to be clean. Gloves are great because you can simply remove them and you don't have to interrupt your sexual play if you want to switch activities. Apply plenty of lube to your finger and to his anus. Have the person relax. Start with a finger and massage around his anus, remember the person who is receiving is always in control. Ideally if you massage enough his anus will just suck your finger in. But let him tell you when he's ready. Keep the lines of communication open. Ask him when he wants more or let him tell you, because, above all, this doesn't hurt if you're going slow, using lots of lube, and your partner is relaxed and aroused. Remember, the anus doesn't lubricate so keeping applying lube. Ask your partner to push out (as if he is taking a bowel movement). This will allow you to slip your finger in easier.
Once your fingers are in, use the "come hither" motion. This is the same motion you use when finding the G-spot. Remember to keep talking through it. You can do this until he wants to switch activities, or this can just be the warm-up to using a toy, such as the Scorpio vibe, or a small dildo, such as the Hot Rod or the Silk. Be aware that if you insert the Scorpio almost all the way you will have to hold on tightly to make sure it doesn't get "lost" in the rectum (the Scorpio has a minimally flared base). A curved dildo, such as the Silk, will hit his prostate. The P-spot is a plug especially designed for prostate play. And the Crystal Wand is a very firm (and very pretty) curved lucite toy, which is also great for P-spot stimulation.
Here are some tips, in case you are thinking of using a dildo with a harness. Put the dildo or plug where your dick would be, and secure the harness so that the dildo is over your pubic mound. Your harness should be kind of tight so you have more control. If you want to use a plug in your harness, use one that does not have a base that is more slender than the tip. Many plugs have "hourglass shapes," and these are difficult to use for in-and-out thrusting, and can feel unpleasant on the recipient's sphincter muscle.
The key to pleasurable harness play is to line up your bodies, go slow and gentle and keep talking. Use lots of lube, and ease it in slowly. Again, he is the one in control. Go slow, talk through it, and remember, this is supposed to be fun! You can always spice things up with a well-placed slap on his ass -- it's supposed to be fun for you too, after all!
Some great videos to watch are Bend over Boyfriend 1 and 2 and Nina Hartley's Guide to Anal Sex. You can watch these together to get the lines of communication going.
So I got my toys from Good Vibes, I got my pump bottle of Maximus and I'm ready to go. I've reviewed my tips and tricks. Now all I need is for my boy to get his butt over here!
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