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In response to one of my recent articles on male anal pleasure, an interested customer said that he found my articles for women very interesting -- but wanted to know how a guy can let his girlfriend know that he's interested in trying some anal play.
This is a very common question -- one that more than a few guys have struggled with. Niki Khanna, Education Department Manager at Good Vibrations, assures me that when she and other GV staff give pleasure parties (known colloquially, sometimes, as "fuckerware parties"), one of the most challenging things for many straight women to get their heads around is the idea of strapping it on for their men. But for many straight men, being anally receptive is a huge fantasy, whether as part of a larger role playing scene or just for the pure pleasure of it. How does one go about asking his girlfriend to try "wearing the pants" for a change? And what can the girl expect to get out of it?
You might be pleased to know that a large number of the harnesses GV sells are sold to hetero couples. If this is reassuring to you, you're not alone. While strap-on play has only recently become a well-known phenomenon, many, many women have the fantasy of being sexually dominant, and strap-on play can be a great part of that. However, it's not always about dominance and submission -- women are often interested in anal play with men simply because it's pleasurable to him. Many of the men I've been with have been very focused on their cocks, and had a hard time being receptive to all-body pleasure. Playing with a man's butt is one of the most intense ways to break down that disparity.
To be honest, my experience is that many of the guys I know are more nervous about being penetrated anally than their girls are about penetrating them. Straight and bi women are often fascinated by strap-on play just because it's something new and different -- and I can testify from experience that it is definitely something different! Sometimes there is a stereotype that strap-on play is a "lesbian thing." Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't -- but it is also, quite clearly, a "straight thing."
So how do get ready for your girl to strap it on for you?
Play with Yourself!
First, keep in mind that any anal play involves a lot of trust. For this reason, I highly recommend that you play with your butt yourself, if you haven't done so. Dr. Jack Morin's well-known Anal Pleasure and Health is the bible on anal play, but other popular books are Bill Brent's The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men and Tristan Taormino's The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (since buttholes are, well, pretty similar between women and men). Some helpful videos are Bend Over Boyfriend and Bend Over Boyfriend 2 and Self Anal Massage for Men. Bend Over Boyfriend is more of a how-to video, while the second in the series focuses on erotic scenes of straight couples going at it. Both offer great inspiration for strap-on love. Self Anal Massage is primarily focused on gay men, but provides a lot of useful information, and many great relaxation techniques.
However, nothing says you need to get your advanced degree in sex before you experiment with anal pleasure. With a few basic pointers, you can find out all you need to know about your butt. The instructions in earlier articles in this series are aimed at women, but the pointers are all the same. To reiterate them briefly: The most important thing is to use lube. Not just some lube, lots of lube. A thick lube like Maximus, Slippery Stuff Gel or Astrogel is recommended because the sensitive tissues of the anus do better when they are cushioned by a heavier lube. A second important point is to try starting small -- a finger sheathed in a latex glove or a smaller dildo like the Silk 1 is recommended. Latex gloves also smooth out those rough edges on your fingernails (a good manicure, by the way, is suggested), and the smoothness of the Silk often makes it easier for first-time players. There is plenty of time for you to try out the Johnny, Prince Sean Michaels Dildo, and if you're a more experienced anal player perhaps you can skip right to that -- but if you're just starting out, remember that your eyes may be bigger than your butt.
Many people who enjoy anal play will enjoy a good rinse with warm water beforehand (your shower massager is your best friend here); not only does the gentle stimulation of warm water help relax you, but if you've got any concerns about cleanliness, that can help allay them. Enemas (also known as male douches) are also favored by some anal eroticists, but by no means necessary. If you're going to rinse yourself out internally, be sure that you use a plain water enema; the Fleet enema that many drugstores sell is a good bet, but you should warm it up in a basin of warm water, first, because room-temperature water is quite a bit colder than your insides. A better suggestion is to use one of the refillable enema bulbs you can get in a drugstore (the ones I've used are blue rubber bulbs with white nozzles) and to fill it with warm tap water. If you're exceedingly health-conscious you might be concerned about the contents of your local tap water -- a reasonable concern, since the tissues of the rectum absorb anything in the water as efficiently as your stomach will. You may want to get a sink-mounted water filter, but make sure the water is warm. You can test it on your inner arm, just like you would for a baby, to make sure it's not too hot.
Keep in mind that rinsing out your butt can dislodge material further up, so you may need to use more than one to get yourself good and clean. Fecal matter can sometimes be grainy or slightly abrasive, so irinsing out may make anal play easier.
I want to emphasize, however, that enemas are not in any way required before anal play -- as long as you clean up afterwards and don't get fecal matter in cuts or abrasions on your skin, anything you find up inside you is not going to hurt you or your partner. Latex gloves and condoms on your dildos will make cleanup easier, so feel free to forego the rinse if you'd rather. Enemas can also rinse away the beneficial (but scanty) mucus your body uses to protect your rectal lining, so keep in mind that if you've just rinsed, using enough lube is even more critical.
Lastly, you should avoid pain. That may sound obvious, but so many people expect anal sex to be accompanied by a little or a lot of pain that they often don't stop when they feel it. If you lube yourself and the toy well enough and go very slow, you shouldn't feel pain. If you do feel pain, you need to remember that pain is your body's way of telling you to wait. If it hurts a little, you don't need to stop necessarily -- just slow down, take a break, and add more lube. But if it keeps hurting, or if it hurts a lot, you may have more going on than just a tight ass. Any of the books mentioned above helpfully describe the various anal maladies that have plagued erotic adventurers for all of human history; if you're experiencing chronic anal pain, however, you should see your doctor.
Assuming you've experimented with anal sexuality on your own and want to incorporate it into partner play, how do you ask your girl to join you? I'm glad you asked! In the next installment of this series, I'll cover ways to talk about anal play with your girl, and in future installments I'll cover how to shop for a dildo and harness together, as well as some helpful hints for positions and other tricks that will enhance your erotic experience if and when you do feel her slide into you. 'Til then!
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